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How to Become Your Own Boyfriend in 2,316 Days

Just 14 incredible steps

Step 1: Narrowly avert your own suicide while on a trip with your current, straight, “hypersexual” husband by calling a therapist who miraculously ends up having the number for a psychedelic-assisted psychotherapist.

Listen to “How to Become Your Own Boyfriend”

2: See said therapist for an MDMA session, assuming you have $1,000 in cash, and survive what turns out to be severely irresponsible work on her part, which helps drive you with urgent desperation toward a series of ayahuasca ceremonies.

3: Give a Viking funeral to your own self-hatred in one of said ceremonies.

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